travel back in time

Thursday 25th November, Madrid, Spain
*scroll down for the latest journal entry. It's at the bottom, mate*

Someone has responded to yesterday's humourous headlines with another selection of slightly screwed up quotes. I present to you ADVERTISEMENTS GONE WRONG!

2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.
No thanks. Got enough mess as it is.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
Glad I'm not in that family!

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Sounds like a restaurant I went to in Tennessee.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
Well, usualy I like chicken, but I am on a budget.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
I'll see if my aunty needs a new desk.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Old people don't still 'do it' do they?

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Two is enough, thanks.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
The factory I worked in never offered this service.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
Fruit picking experience not necessary, but energy and enthusiasm essential.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Either way...

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
I know how they feel.

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Sheppard and an Alaskan Hussy.
I met one of them in Alaska.

Great Dames for sale.
Do you rent them out?

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Good for her. Must be the healthy diet.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Whenever you're ready!

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Just what I've been looking for!

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
Does the one price include the wife and kids?

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
Crikey! When I said I was thirsty...

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
There's a couple I'd like to keep though.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
Already got one just like that.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
Why don't I get invited to that kind of party?

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Going cheap.

Man, honest. Will take anything.
Hide your valuables, but leave the kids lying around where he'll find them.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
$200 a month seems awfully low.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Experience as human cannonball will be highly regarded.

UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Okay then, you've convinced me.

Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Private detective services included.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Hard to find a cow like that these days, what with peer group pressure and all.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Now that's just stupid. How much experience could you be expected to have at that age?

Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Forget the meals, but don't spare the smacks.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
That is exciting. Makes me want to go to the beach right now!

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
I think I've been to this mechanic before.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.
What's the address?

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
Not sure what the workers union would think of this.

And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
I can't find the mistake in this one.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00
Where were they when I needed them?

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